For Better or For Worse

I wrote my first book For Better or For Worse at the age of twenty-three in the summer of 2014, which was based on my parent’s divorce. In the book, I talked about how I struggled with playing the blame game for their separation and how I overcame it and realized the divorce was for the best. During that time, I felt so guilty about their divorce. I wanted to go back and fix the love that they had for one another, but it was too late. I thought that playing the victim would make everyone else around me feel better, but it didn’t. That they wouldn’t feel as bad about the divorce. I was all wrong. Playing the victim made me feel stuck and full of guilt because I made my parent’s personal issues my fault. In writing the book, it helped me to realize that I did not need to play the victim and blame game for their differences and personal issues. I wrote the book at the time to help children and teens who are going through a divorce with their parents to help them realize that it’s not your fault that your parent’s divorce happened and that they will always love you no matter what.

This year I have decided to update the original book, and here is a sneak peek into the text below. Enjoy!

I did not know what to say. The right words could not come out of my mouth once I found out that my parents weren’t together anymore. At the time, I questioned myself, what did I do wrong? When did my parents stop loving each other? I wish I could have fixed the problem, but I couldn’t. I was too little at the time to understand grown-up feelings and such. The only person in my life that I could turn to that understood what I was going through was my best friend from elementary school. My best friend and I could talk about our parents’ divorce together, and I didn’t have to hide back my “I should have done this, I could have done that, I would have done this to keep them together.” But it was too late. The final words of “I want a divorce” came out of my parent’s mouths, and that was the end of their marriage.

While my mom and dad were sorting through their possessions, the person I felt comfortable to turn to talk about my feelings and emotions was my grandmother. I was too nervous at the time to open to my mother because she was in a vulnerable place with my dad. My grandmother was my rock at the time because chaos and turmoil were at the center front of the household. My mom was angry at my dad for not understanding my brother’s disability and willingness to work with him on developing life skills.

Sadly, my dad was married to his career. He obsessed over striving to get to the top of his game and was an opportunity addict. The jobs that he had before him being in construction, his temper got the best of him, and he couldn’t perform well on the job anymore. He struggled to maintain a steady job until he landed a job as a Pipe Fitter, which was the best job for him that suited his skill set. My dad’s confidence and self-esteem rose, and he felt right at home being a Pipe Fitter.

Once his confidence and self-esteem grew with his career in construction, it was the medicine he needed to feel validated. He gained new friendships, went out more, and traveled. While having new friendships and traveling, he put his family on the back burner and was happy with his life. He no longer needed my mom in his life.

My mom sent me to a therapist to talk about the divorce besides my grandmother. My first therapy session was nerve-wracking, but I started to relax and feel at ease as the therapist said to me, “Everything is going to be okay. I am here to help.” I smiled at her, and I began my emotional healing journey with her.

While going to therapy, I spent much time hanging out with my friends and attended church to keep my mind off of my parents. I rode bikes with my friends, played board games, played with my dogs, and we used our imagination to make up games. At church, I learned about the Bible to understand who God is and what His word says about how we need to live like Him and what He has in store for our lives. As I read the Bible in Sunday school class, I gained a sense of healing and understanding about how God shapes our lives and why difficult times come our way.

Published by Allistar Banks-Author

Allistar Banks is a multi-genre author of several books ranging from children to young adult fiction. A Professional Pet Sitter by day, novelist by night, she received her Bachelor of Science degree in Mass Communications from Lander University. A McCormick, SC native, she is a lover of southern cuisine, the mountains, local art, and history.

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