In my post, I am going to give you three parts on how to deal with your parents’ divorce. For starters, I am going to provide a brief introduction to how I had to face my parents’ divorce. Dealing with my parent’s getting a divorce at the age of nine was not easy. I did understand nothing that was going on around me. I walked around in a daze wondering why mom and dad were arguing, throwing stuff everywhere, dad packing up his suitcases to go someone else, my brother screaming, and grandma stopping my brother’s screaming. I was faced with having to deal with confronting new emotions, adjusting to only having my mom and grandma around, and dealing with conflicts and arguments between my parents.
Have and being flexible will help make the transition easier. It may seem like the world is out to get you but trust me, things will get better.
The first part is dealing with your parents’ divorce is dealing with your emotions. It was hard for me to move past my feelings because I wanted to play the “blame game” and make everyone around me feel happy. Through playing the “blame game,” I isolated myself, I threw a pity party and slept more. I soon had to shift gears because my mom didn’t want to see me have mental health problems at the age of nine. My parents’ divorce and your parents’ divorce is solely based on the issues they had. Majority of the time, parents choose to get divorced because their feelings have changed for one another. Another reason is having a severe problem like infidelity or substance abuse. It is important to remember that you did not initiate their conflicts, and you have the right to love both of your parents. Another things is to speak up if your parents ever blame you for the divorce.
Secondly, accept your feelings as usual. No two kids feel the same way about their mom and dad getting a divorce.
Third, talk to friends and family members.
Fourth, don’t be afraid to talk to your parents. Let them know how you feel. If you have any questions, ask.
Fifth, seek professional help.
Sixth, don’t suppress your feelings. At first, I deleted my feelings because I wanted to put on a brave face for everybody and show them that I am the strong one.
Seventh, find new ways of dealing with stress.
The second part of dealing with your parents’ divorce is adjusting to change. First off is work out a schedule. Second is adapt to a new home/school life. Third is to be prepared for financial changes. Fourth, accept that your parents may start dating. An example could be where a parent comes home, and they receive a phone call from their new someone and completely ignore everyone in the house.
The third part is navigating conflicts between your parents. The first thing is figuring out how you can include both parents in your life. Sit down and arrange how your parents can attend your important events. For recurring events, by arranging events they can see you.
In my experience, I had with arranging events, I had two separate birthday parties. My dad and I spent time together on Christmas Day, and I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and her family.
Secondly, don’t take sides and remain neutral.
- Maintain a relationship with both parents.
- You should never choose sides.
Third, talk to your parents about conflicts.
Fourth, let your parents know if they are leaning on you too much. You should not allow for your mother or father to overly express how they feel but have someone to confide in for more significant issues at hand that you might not be ready to handle yet.
- Don’t choose sides.
- Don’t isolate yourself.
- Keep an open mind.
- Being honest with your mom and dad.