When Alli went through her first break-up, she did not see the darkness that would arise. She cried herself to sleep, knowing that she couldn’t fix what was broken. She was broken over the fact she wasn’t valued enough.
One day Alli was getting ready for school and brushing her hair and teeth and all of a sudden, she heard a voice inside of her head. She thought it was just a figment of her imagination until the voice sounded eerie. The voice said to her, “You are not cut out for another man.” Alli ignored it and finished up in the bathroom. She walked out of the restroom and got on her clothes and shoes and grabbed her car keys and purse and headed out the door.
The voice came back and said the same thing. Alli knew something wasn’t right. The sound grew denser and darker and eerier and said really loud, “You are not cut out for another man.” She pleaded and cried for it to go away, but it stuck there. She started to panic, cry, and her hands got clammy and sweaty as she drove down the road.
All Alli could think about was making it to school and leaving her car. Alli just wanted to be in the classroom so it could leave her alone. At last, she made it to school and parked her car without having a wreck. When Alli got out of the car, she saw bright sunlight come upon her face, and it was the comfort of God washing across her face to help her make it through the day.
Another lie Satan whispered in her ear was, “You need to change.” Again, Alli thought the voice came from being insecure and what her ex-boyfriend wanted her to do. Alli went through the vicious cycle of feeling secure within herself and not. Alli could not find peace from within because she thought the lie was the truth. The truth was she did not need to change for anyone.
Alli would go to bed each night and just hope and pray she would have a good night’s sleep, not thinking about her first love. Then that annoying voice would come back to her and say, “You are not cut out for another man. You just need to be alone.” Alli just could not believe the enemy was still taunting at her and being such a bully. She was drained and worn out as the days would pass on, and she would take in the soul-sucking voice.
Another lie the devil would whisper in her ear would be, “You are not pretty enough.” Alli would look at herself in the mirror, and she would apply more make-up, hair products, and such to make herself more beautiful so the devil would leave her alone, but it did not work. Alli would pop in Jillian Michael’s, Pilates, yoga, kickboxing, you name it to burn off some calories and look insanely hot. Alli did it consistently for several weeks and was getting her body back in shape after she had scarfed down two scones after breaking up with her first love.
Alli’s mom had her struggle of letting go of a romantic relationship when she was young to only realize that true love is not found in a man alone. She thought this man was the greatest thing in the world to only find out that his parents valued her based on social class and weight. Alli wondered if the devil used her mother’s past to test Alli in her first romantic relationship.
It took Alli several years to get over her first love and move on to another relationship. It took Alli a while to get over her first love because they complemented each other. Alli enjoyed his taste in food, art, interests, personality, and aggressive nature. The reality hit when she realized that she couldn’t keep a conversation over politics, business, and science like he could. He might as well had been talking to the wind to get these topics across to her. Then Alli started looking up what he liked and tried to keep the conversation going, but all hope was lost. She just wanted to kick herself in the butt because she wasn’t going to be the next politician or business leader.
What Alli didn’t realize was God placed her in such a position to understand what true love was. Alli thought love was found through a romantic relationship. True love is not found in man but found in Jesus Christ.
A quote I would give Alli to not change for anyone is, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”-Eleanor Roosevelt. No one can make you feel bad about yourself if you don’t give them the power to do so.