Chapter Ten Cracking the Happy Weight Code

Alli was working out at the gym with Bethany and Caleb. Alli learned new workouts with them. Bethany and Caleb both loved looking at magazines to find new workout routines, and it would amaze Alli how they would put together different exercises and turn them into a method. Caleb would lift heavy weights and do the cardio machines most of the time. Bethany loved HIIT workouts, the elliptical, and so forth. Alli loved what she did, and she joined in on the fun with Bethany from visiting the gym with her a time or two.

Alli started doing circuit training and thirty minutes of cardio with her friends. Bethany and Alli would partner up and do the workouts together. One of the drills they did involved jumps, squats, planks, and mountain climbers. The circuit training gave Alli the push she needed to motivate herself to work out every day.

The more Bethany and Alli worked out, she started to feel stronger and healthier. But blood, sweat, and fears got Alli to that point. While focusing on her health in the gym, Alli was focusing on her romantic relationship as well. The more Alli looked at herself in the mirror, she saw imperfections. Blood, sweat, and fears came from feeling insecure if she could ever measure up to her boyfriend physically.

One day when Bethany and Alli were working out, and Bethany saw how her clothes were hanging off of her. Bethany decided to sit Alli down and ask her some questions about the amount of working out she was doing. She started off with, “Alli, I am really concerned about you right now, and I feel like you are pushing yourself a little too hard.” “What is going on?” “I haven’t seen you act this way before.” “Are you and your boyfriend happy?” Alli just couldn’t speak fast enough for the number of questions she was asking her all at once, and she had to slow her down. “Bethany, one question at a time and start slow.” “To answer your first question, nothing is wrong with me, I am totally normal and fine, I just want to feel good.” “I just have a lot going on at school, and in my personal life, it’s just a little stress.” Bethany just shook her head and knew Alli wasn’t saying what she was truly feeling.

After the confrontation, Alli still worked out. Alli pumped more iron, ran on the treadmill, did laps around the gym, and looked through all the circuits she and Bethany worked on. The weekends Alli spent working out up until the day Alli would see Jon all over again. Alli continued to do her strength and cardio training until she would see Jon.

Bethany just wants to be there for Alli as she copes with the break-up of Jon. She tried to help her with eating healthy and just making sure Alli was happy. Bethany was going to make up a plan of workouts that would be short and effective and not have Alli’s clothes covered in sweat.

The three fears Alli had about the romantic relationship were that Jon was going to leave her if she were to put on five to ten pounds or get overweight, her feelings would get hurt over her eating habits, and that she would never be good enough.

The first fear Alli had was Jon was going to leave her if she were to become overweight or put on five to ten pounds. To control the anxiety, Alli worked out extra hard so that he would see her as a beautiful girlfriend he could love and appreciate.

The second fear she had was she knew she was going to get her feelings hurt if she were to put on a couple of pounds or more. At the time, Alli made the assumption when she went and visited Jon for a weekend that he looked up to girls that were a size two since he briefly mentioned he saw someone taking professional photos of a small girl. The mindset Alli had stemmed from being bullied a lot as a child due to my weight.

The third fear Alli had was the way she looked was never going to be good enough. Her body was never going to measure up to the runway girls or models you see in Fitness magazine. Alli felt ashamed of how her abs, legs, and butt looked because they were not tight and tone. He would judge the size and shape of each body part if she were to wear shorts, a bathing suit, sleeveless tops, skirts, and the like.

Due to the three fears, Alli had let each and every one fear consume the relationship she had with him. Alli hid under jeans and ¾ to long sleeve shirts or shirts that had enough sleeves to cover her imperfections. She overgeneralized how concerned he felt about her when they would Skype together, and he would comment on how her face has changed or hasn’t changed. Alli’s face would go from being filled out to thin. Alli should have taken into consideration how concerned he felt about me and whether she was eating good, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep at night. Truth be told some nights, she had a hard time falling asleep due to the fact she did not know where the relationship was going and if he genuinely wanted to be with her or not, and she would go to food for comfort to fix her mixed emotions. Alli just felt in a fog over our relationship and where things stood between us.

Now I have explained to you Alli’s three fears she had in her relationship; and now I am going to talk about how Alli overcame each fear and how you can overcome your concerns in a romantic relationship too. The way Alli combated her boyfriend not wanting to leave her due to her weight was she identified the root cause of her fear and realized it came from a guy that she went out with a couple of times that was critical about her body shape. The way that she looked stemmed the thought of “he is going to leave me now because I don’t look the way I should,” and she let that false mindset carry into our dates and transpire into arguments about the way she dressed, looked, and carried herself. Alli learned to digest the thought and feelings without a need to control or judge. Once Alli realized that her past experience had nothing to do with her first love when she responded with, “The person I went out with a couple of times has nothing to do with him.” The method was used to combat her first fear.

To overcome her fears, Alli realizes that the present won’t have the same outcome as the past. Alli realized that no one person is alike. She meditated on what the Bible said about fear, and she posted scriptures in her car’s dashboard and bedroom mirror so she could see it first thing in the morning. Alli consistently prayed and journaled about how I felt over the relationship. Alli took these steps to get her to her happy place in life and love.

When you fear a situation or emotional challenge, really envision God saying this, just to you. He’s on your side. No matter who leaves after promising forever. When friends, family members, a significant other, or co-workers disappoint you, he’ll never turn his back on you.

The last scripture Alli posted was 1 John 4:18 “Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear.” Alli’s friend asked her, “how could love fight fear?” Love is everlasting, and fear is only temporary. Alli remembers yelling for her dad, feeling terrified, but she had total belief that whatever was happening, her dad would protect her. Or when Alli got lost on the beach for what seemed like hours but was probably ten minutes, she just knew her dad would move heaven and Earth to find her. Most importantly, we need to trust God abiding love.

The steps I would suggest for someone to overcome the significant fears in a romantic relationship is to identify the root cause. The second step would be to allow yourself to observe the thoughts and feelings of memory without judgment. The third step would be to recognize that the present has nothing to do with the fears from your past you are trying to project on the present situation, then you can respond in a helpful-not harmful way to your current relationship. To pray, meditate, and trust God to hand over your heavy burdens so he can take care of them.

Published by Allistar Banks-Author

Allistar Banks is a multi-genre author of several books ranging from children to young adult fiction. A Professional Pet Sitter by day, novelist by night, she received her Bachelor of Science degree in Mass Communications from Lander University. A McCormick, SC native, she is a lover of southern cuisine, the mountains, local art, and history.

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