Why Did Lawrence Have to Go So Soon?

Dear Diary,
I know it has been two years since Lawrence died, but I still grieve over his loss. When I first found out the news, it came to me as a shock. I was in such a state of shock and running around, trying to piece an obit together that I forgot to even stand there and cry. I knew he was sick at the time and had gone through multiple seizures leading up to the one that caused him to go into cardiac arrest. I just want happiness, love, peace, and joy in my heart and soul. If only Lawrence were not disabled, how different things would be? I wish he was still here with us and laughing and blasting his cartoons and playing with Buster.

My dog Buster was Lawrence’s’ best friend. They always say a man’s best friend is his dog and Buster was sure his best friend. I cried and sobbed all the sudden when it all hit me that Lawrence was no longer here and he wasn’t going to play with Buster anymore. He would be there to help Lawrence get up in the morning, get dressed, watch T.V. with him, and Lawrence and Buster would play for hours with the dog’s toys. I lie here in bed writing all of this to you dear Diary because I trust you and I know you will keep my words in a safe place amongst the pages.

Lawrence will never see me get engaged, married, and have kids of my own one day. He will never see me dance the father-daughter dance at my wedding. He won’t see me tell my parents the news I will have a baby someday. Lawrence will never see my kids grow up and play. I don’t understand why God had to take him so soon? What could we have done to keep him alive? I wish I had the answers, but I don’t right now.

Heavenly Father,
Be merciful to me, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sadness. My soul and body knoweth well (Psalm 31:9). My heart is torn; my mind is estranged. I cry out to you and hardly know what to say. All I can do is express how I feel and ask you to “keep track of my thoughts.” Collect all of my tears in your hands and record each one in your book as I pour them out to you (Psalm 56:8).

Published by Allistar Banks-Author

Allistar Banks is a multi-genre author of several books ranging from children to young adult fiction. A Professional Pet Sitter by day, novelist by night, she received her Bachelor of Science degree in Mass Communications from Lander University. A McCormick, SC native, she is a lover of southern cuisine, the mountains, local art, and history.

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